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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  Me-TV  January 19, 2016 10:35pm-11:37pm CST

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right to rise usa is responsible for the content of this message. >> stephen colbert! >> stephen: thanks, everybody. captioning sponsored by cbs colbert"! stephen! >> stephen: that is crisp. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thanks, everybody. thank you. ( cheers and applause )
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thank you so much. in here, out there, all around the world, you guys. welcome to "the late show with stephen colbert." thanks so much, everybody. thanks so much. man, that is-- the audience-- you guys are as crisp as a celery stalk tonight, thank you. that's why we keep it so cold in here. to keep you fresh. ( laughter ) welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. and i am so excited about this huge science news that was just announced today. i was talking to these guys about it today. nasa has grown a flower in space. isn't that nice? for the first time finally, there's something beautiful up there. friend of the show scott kelly made the announcement, and here it is. it's a lovely zinnia with 13 petals. never been done before. that's one small step for man, one giant leap back for
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( laughter ) because remember, in space, no one can hear you sneeze, so they can't say "gesundheit." and that's too bad. now, this zinnia is also edible, making it the perfect garnish for a bag of microwaved beef paste. this is a really big deal! if you can grow flowers, you can grow food. and once nasa can grow food in space, they'll really save on delivery. ( laughter ) and yet, even this historic milestone was overshadowed this weekend by what i believe is an even greater technological achievement: a washing machine with a brick in it on a trampoline. here it is. there it is. feast your eyes. the day has come. we have finally achieved the future! this stirring miracle of science isn't just a great way to wash your bricks. ( laughter )
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neighborhood kids off your trampoline. i think today, it's washing a brick in a washing machine. perhaps a salad spinner with a cinderblock on a bungee cord. a man can dream. what did you say? >> jon: that would be a vibe. if we could get it going. >> stephen: that would be fun. >> jon: i'm ready. ( laughter ) >> stephen: but like all scientific progress, this comes with a cost, and not just of a new washing machine. i mean, really look at this video. witness the machine's profound sadness as it struggles to please its human masters, even at the cost of its own life. what monsters have we become? to paraphrase the hindu deity vishnu "i am become brick, destroyer of appliances." ( laughter ) and you know, when the machines finally rise up against us with and they will-- with rogue iphones leading
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knives taped to them to slaughter our ankles, this will be the video they play at our show trials. right before they load humanity into a giant washing machine. and we deserve whatever they do to us. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) anyway, we've got a great show tonight. first i'll be talking to the hilarious charlie day. ( cheers and applause ) he is one of the stars of "it's always sunny in philadelphia." which is not only a great comedy, but a cautionary tale about global warming. then i'll sit down with our friend colin hanks. could say friend. >> jon: right. >> stephen: he's an who's starred in "dexter,"
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pieces." and if i'm not mistaken: all shows about chopping people up. then we'll hear music from country singer, margo price. ( cheers and applause ) go ahead, yeah. she is making her television debut tonight. so if you've seen her on tv before, either you're lying or she is. ( band playing ) othese sweet vibrations are the sound of jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) they're about to pop the clutch and lay some rubber, but before they do, one more thing: an american airlines executive says regular, commercial flights to cuba could be just a few months away. and a delta executive says their flights to cuba are already delayed. tonight, stephen welcomes from
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philadelphia," charlie day. from "life in pieces," colin hanks. >> and a musical performance by margot price. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thanks, everybody. thank so much. thanks, everybody. thank you, please. before we get going tonight, i just want to take a minute-- i
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it earlier tonight i want to take a moment to talk about glenn frey. he was one of the original members of the eagles, one of the founders. and i just want to take a moment to thank glenn frey for what he gave me, and here's what he gave me. the song "desperado, "you know the song? ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: yeah. desperado why don't you come to your senses. we've been out riding fences for so long now. oh, you're a hard one and that's what my story is about. the first slow canc i ever danced to was to requested desperado." it was the eighth grade dance at our local little club. it's where the boys used to come and the girls kind of come and
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of the room and try not to notice each other. i didn't dance with anybody all night long, until the very last song, and somehow i found myself over on the girls' side, and the d.j. goes," and it's our last song, and it's a slow one." and put on "desperado" which is the perfect last song in an eighth grade dance when you have danced with no one. ( laughter ) because i was "the desperado." ( laughter ) and as soon as the needle dropped and "desperado" started playing a girl i already knew love this song. this is my favorite song." so i said, "dolly, think you want to... think you want to-- you want to-- do you want to dance can me?" ( laughter ) and she said, "sure." so, so, so we got up, so we got
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thing like this, you know. she put her head on my shoulder, you know,. and this is the first time i've ever had my arms around a girl in my entire life. and we just turned around slowly on that dance floor not knowing where to put these, you know, and just doing this like that. and it was one of the sweetest, most beautiful experiences of my life. and that day, i took a small, very small step toward manhood. ( laughter ) and it would not have happened, it would not have happened. ( cheers and applause ) -- i don't think i would have reproduced by now if that song had not played that night. that was my first step toward, you know, knowing how to put your arms on a girl in any way or what it was like to touch the opposite sex. and that would not have happened without glenn frey. so thank you, glenn frey. sad to see him go. ( applause )
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always cheers me up, netflix? it's great. especially since it's free, if you use your bandleader's username and password! thank you, jon, thank you. you'u' a good man. no, you don't have to thank me. netflix has even made it into the cultural lexicon with "netflix and chill." it's caught on in a way that, in my day, "v.c.r. and dry hump" never did. ( laughter ) again, thank you glenn frey. ( laughter ) but with so many choices on netflix, it can be hard to find the stuff you really love. should i watch "down periscope" with kelsey grammer, or a classic episode of frasier with kelsey grammer? or maybe just forget netflix altogether, and curl up with a good book, like "so far," the autobiography of kelsey grammer? who knows? but now, there's a brand new way to help you find exactly what you want to see on netflix. >> netlix is pretty good at figuring out what we might want to watch.
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the most out of the site, there are secret codes that let you access every possible category you can imagine. the codes are available online. they let you narrow down to really specific things, like "critically acclaimed british movies from the 1980s," "goofy action and adventure from the 1970s," and of course, frank's favorite, "suspenseful dramas based on a book." >> stephen: classic frank. but seriously, this is going to revolutionize the way we watch netflix, compared to how we watch now, where you and your family scroll for an hour before picking up where you left off at "lincoln" and then falling asleep two minutes later. no one tell me how it ends. ( laughter ) anybody can use these secret codes to access these genres. all you do is type a five-digit code into netflix, and boom, chaka-lacka, you're there. for example, 40415 takes you to romantic chinese crime movies.
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40418 gets you gritty suspenseful revenge westerns, and 40420 takes you to time travel movies starring william hartnell. ( laughter ) i believe those are about people travelling back in time to find out who william hartnell is. and there are a lot of very specific subgenres that nobody knows about yet, until now. so let's take a look at some of my favorite new netflix categories in tonight's ( band cues theme music ) "late show" secret netflix codes. ( cheers and applause ) thank you. we sunk a lot of money into those graphics. ( laughter ) you're going to want to write these down and then try them after my show ends. that's right. i want you to start watching movies at 12:35 in the morning. watch a couple. don't worry about losing your job. that's just more time to chill.
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for movies like "overboard," "tango and cash," and "big trouble in little china," all in the subgenre, "kurt russell tank top movies." then try code 69433 to get films like "the big short," "gone girl," and "the ten commandments," in the category "movies that let you pretend you read the book." use code 8675309 to get "the croods," "honey i shrunk the kids," and "shrek" for the subgenre "movies parents can put on so they can shower for five ( bleep ) minutes. brutal, brutal. if you type in 745-pizza emoji-21-o with an umlaut, you get "schindler's list," "saving private ryan," and "the human centipede" found in: "movies to remind you that breaking up with danny isn't the worst thing that
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( applause ) need more choices? need more choices? simply type "54 omaha, 54 omaha," and you'll get "mission impossible: rogue nation," "102 dalmatians," and "emma," if you're in the mood for a "sound mixer chris munro film festival." finally, code 56 over 243 times 17 takes you to "red dragon," "enter the dragon," and "crouching tiger hidden dragon," found in: "movies without any dragons in them." ( laughter ) ( applause ) well, that does it for "new netflix categories." get ready to binge watch some great commercials. we'll be right back with charlie
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my first guest tonight appeared in the films "pacific rim" and "horrible bosses," and is one of the stars of "it's always sunny in philadelphia." >> i guess that does it, the winner by default of the annual
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>> not so fast! >> oh, this is good. so you're gonna race for them? >> no, dennis, i'm going to race for everyone. i'm going to race for the people! you see, last night tatyana taught me all about communism, cold, hard winters, gross soups. she also taught me a lot about sex, sweet sex amazing sex, jacuzzi sex, dennis! >> stephen: please welcome charlie day. ( applause ) >> let them go. let them go. don't stop! >> stephen: people love the charlie day. >> it's a good thing. >> stephen: you look very debonair. you also look european right now. >> if i had a thin 'stache,
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>> stephen: so if you look nothing like you is what you're saying. >> right, right. >> stephen: congratulations, "always sunny" won people's choice. >> we did! >> stephen: the people chose you help how does it feel to be chosen? were you there? did you get to go up and give a speech or anything? >> we found out about it online. >> stephen: did you know you were nominated? >> no, we were not invited. no one told us. in fact, it was the following day, one of the guys texted me and said, "hey, did you know we won an award?" so, no, we missed the party, yeah. >> stephen: whoa. it's the people's choice awards. all the people are invited. they must think-- >> yeah. >> stephen: you're not people. >> yeah, well, we've never really been one of the-- like, we've never been "people" people on "sunny." maybe that's it. >> stephen: no one said you're an inhuman creature though you've done terrible things on the show. >> that's a great segue. >> stephen: thank you very much. too soon @what they pay me for.
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friends. >> we shot it for nothing. >> stephen: really? because that's more believable than actors having $200. >> exactly. >> stephen: you not it for nothing, really? >> they needed a price. they said we have to say something -- >> who is "they?" >> people who write things and print them. i don't know. >> stephen: the press came up with can the $200. $200. >> yeah, we weren't like, "198, 199." we remember like a bunch of kids with cameras running around and shooting each other and next thing we know it's 11 years in and we're still doing the show. >> stephen: you're in the 11th season right now. you've already been picked up for 12, right? >> yes. >> stephen: the people on the show are horrible people. >> yeah. >> stephen: they're horrible people. is it hard after 11 years-- >> there's a horrible people who just clapped. horrible people. gad bad guys! >> stephen: or fans of horrible people, a spectator.
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continue to play characters that are making the worst possible choices all the time? >> no. i mean -- >> you're not afraid you're going to, like, become one of these people? >> no, absolutely not. i think the show reflects what's terrible about us collectively as a society. so -- >> and that's why we love it. >> terrible things keep popping up, so we keep making terrible episodes about it. in fact, we did a-- we did, in our first season, i think, we did an episode about the problem with, like, gun violence. and guess what? 10 years later, we're like this is still an issue. let's do another episode about it. >> stephen: in season two, two of you got addicted to crack. >> yeah, yeah. >> stephen: that's very hard to raise the bar. >> yeah. >> stephen: are there any times that you-- one of the things-- >> guess what's still around, though? >> stephen: what's still around. >> crack. >> stephen: yeah, it's delicious. >> you can keep doing episodes about it. >> stephen: that's what's so nice.
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>> stephen: crack is the gift that keeps giving and take creek. >> crack is forever ( laughter ). >> stephen: that would be nice, an engagement ring with just a piece of crack on it. >> year, a crack rock. >> stephen: yeah, exactly. now, one of the things i like about the show is, clearly, there is no supervision. >> no. >> stephen: in writing your show. >> yeah, yeah. >> stephen: does anybody come in and say, "guys, you can't make a joke about that." you thought it was funny and you do it come hell or high water. >> i don't even know if they realize we're still making a show over there. >> >> stephen: that's fxxx, there's an additional "x," and nobody know where's we are. one more "x," and it's all porno. >> exactly. they didn't know we won a major award. >> stephen: the network didn't know, either? >> no. or if they did, shame ow. ( laughter ) i'm calling them out, which i shouldn't do, because they've done a great job with the show.
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>> stephen: is there any moment you were like, gob, i wish they would keep us from saying this? someone should stop me from doing this joke? >> yeah, this year in the jacuzzi sex joke, i got pretty naked, the and that-- that's the first time i was like, "oh, somebody stop this. somebody come in and get me out of this one." >> stephen: yeah, yeah. i find the fewer clothes i have on, the less erotic it gets. >> without a doubt. >> stephen: the older i get the more that's the case. let's keep this sexy. let's put a parka on me. ( laughter ) can i ask you a question about another project that you did that i really enjoyed. >> please. >> stephen: because i'm also a big began of guillermo el toro. "pacific rim." you were one of the tech guys guys in "pacific rim." >> that's right. >> stephen: can i ask you about the yagers, the big robots that fight-- >> right. giant robots that we built to punch the monsters in the face. >> stephen: let's talk about this. drift with me, charlie.
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>> stephen: let's do this for a second. why, if you can build robots that are the size of cities, okay, but you're fighting monsters, also the size of cities, why not make your robots bigger than the monsters and have them fight the monsters in ways other than punching them? >> that's a good point. >> stephen: give them a weapon or something like that. >> a big can of bug spray. >> stephen: a sharp be would be nice air, broken bottle would be fun. >> don't have the fix for that one. i did not write the movie. >> stephen: but there's going to be a "pacific rism 2" right? >> come on. >> stephen: there is. they didn't tell that you, either. >> they did not tell me na. >> stephen: you're in the next movie. >> i think the movie only made, like, $400 million. nowadays they're like, "well, that's okay." so we'll see. >> stephen: good luck with the rest of season 11. good luck with season 12, and good luck with "pacific rim 2." and good luck with the crack addiction.
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>> stephen: charlie day, thanks so much. "it's always sunny in philadelphia" is on fxx, wednesdays at 10 p.m. "it's always sunny in philadelphia" is on fxx, we'll be right back. olive garden's all-new flavorfilled pastas, with raviolis so nice we filled them twice. bursting with indulgent flavors like chicken marsala ravioli, or smoked mozzarella manicotti. plus unlimited salad and breadsticks. starting at $12.99. for a limited time.
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marco rubio. he ran for senate saying he opposed amnesty... then he flipped, and worked with liberal chuck schumer to co-author the path to citizenship bill. he threatened to vote against it. and then voted for it.
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marco rubio. just another washington politician you can't trust. jeb bush. he's a leader, so you always know where he stands. right to rise usa is responsible for the content of this message. ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back! you folks at home missed some mad penny whistle just now. we are rapidly-- yeah. ( cheers and applause ) we are rapidly approaching the happiest day of the year: the super bowl. it combines the family togetherness of thanksgiving
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every other holiday. now, we don't know exactly which teams are going to be in the big game yet. my money's on football teams. but we do know who the star of superbowl 50 will be. i'll give you a hint. he's got two thumbs and is me. because right after the game, i will be hosting a special live "late show." and i cannot be more honored to be the last thing america sees before lapsing into a nacho coma. and tonight i'm proud to kick off my pre-post-super bowl coverage: this is... the road to the supershow: countdown to the lead-up to the postgame preview: late show lix-vii! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's what's been missing right there. boom! now, the reason we're calling it lix-vii, is because that's the night of super bowl l, but it's my 67th show, and i believe
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roman niewm ralz over there, licks vee. though, come to think of it, i'm not sure i can say licks vee on cbs. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) quick disclaimer, a quick kiss claimer: i don't know a lot about football, but i did play one day on my high school team-- that's the desperado right there. it's going to get better! it's going to get better! and i got some valuable insights into the game. for instance, when you're in the huddle, do not mention "dungeons and dragons." but these days i'm all over the nfl. my highly promotable face was plastered all promos from cbs games over the games this weekend. now, usually, if you see yourself that often during a football game, you're either something new that's been stuffed in a pizza crust or a convicted murderer trying to
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i'm saving that one for sweeps. and using my newfound status, i want to address a controversy from this weekend's game between the arizona cardinals and the green bay packers. you guys watch? >> yeah! >> stephen: many people did. the game went into overtime, and there was major controversy over the coin flip. look. there it goes up, and comes down, somehow landing and never flipping over once! i don't even know how you do that. 300 years ago that ref would've been burned at the stake as a witch. so he picked up the coin, flipped it again. sadly, the coin landed on heads both times and had to be carted off on a tiny stretcher. ( laughter ) -- sad. now, the ref didn't have to re-flip. as an n.f.l. spokesman said, "there is nothing in the rulebook that specifies a required flip." there's also nothing that says the ref couldn't pull the coin from behind the quarterback's ear.
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what's this, aaron rodgers? the cardinals won the toss both times and clinched the game on their first possession. and the packers are not happy. >> cleat had it on heads, it was showing heads, so i called tails. and it didn't flip. it just tossed up in the air and did not turn over at all. it landed on the ground. so we obviously thought that was not right. he picked the coin up and flipped it to tails, and then he flipped it without giving me a chance to make a re-call there. but... it was confusing. >> stephen: it was confusing. it was confusing. coin tosses aren't supposed to be some random act you can't predict. if you've done your conditioning and have your playbook memorized, you should win any coin toss. he's clearly got a strategy. did you catch what it was? clearly, he always calls the side of the coin that's not
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if you do that, you're gonna win half the coin tosses every time. that's 50/50 odds. not bad. but it's a problem. so to avoid this unbelievable confusion, i would like to propose some alternative ways to decide who gets the ball they think are much fairer. how about spin the bottle? whoever it points at gets possession, but he still has to kiss the ref... tongue. ( laughter ) i believe that's what licks vee means. ( laughter ) ( applause ) how about this? what if each team guesses how much a tube of crest toothpaste costs, and whoever is closest without going over gets the ball and a chance to bid on the dinette set. ( laughter ) or we can ask each team captain to write a 500 word essay on why their team deserves to have the ball first.
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extracurriculars, guys, like being the captain on a professional sports team. it's impressive. or how about a groundhog? why are we using this amazing predictive creature only once a year? the visiting team can call "shadow, or no shadow." then they are forced to replay the game over and over and over again until andi mcdowell falls in love with them. or even better yet, take a page from king solomon. have the ref suggest the only fair solution is to cut the football in half. whichever team says, "no, let the other team have it," is revealed to be the true mother of the football. we'll be right back with colin hanks. that's a big bull. i think that's old cyrus. 1800 pounds of do whatever the heck i want.
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aflac. ohh ah ah aflac! aaaaf-lac! ta-daa! he's not a very good magician. he paid my claim in just one day. one day?! shh! how does he do it? in just one day, we process, approve and pay.
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there are two democratic visions for regulating wall street. one says it's okay to take millions from big banks and then tell them what to do. my plan -- break up the big banks, close the tax loopholes, and make them pay their fair share. then we can expand health care to all, and provide universal college education. will they like me? no. will they begin to play by the rules if i'm president? you better believe it.
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. you know my next guest from his work on "dexter," "fargo," and now he stars in "life in pieces." >> now what pressure do you prefer? >> a lot of pressure, lot of lotion. you know, dress me like a salad. beat me like an egg. >> oh, and when i start crying, don't acknowledge tall right?
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thanks. >> okay. >> aahhh. i love you, honey. >> i love you, too. ( car crashing ) ( screams ). >> that did not sound good. >> that sounded really, really bad. >> shhh! i'm sure it was just a little fender bender. >> should we do something? >> i feel like we should go out there and make sure everybody is okay. >> people just need to get used to the new stop sign. >> stephen: please welcome colin hanks! ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you. like your digs, sir. >> stephen: isn't it nice?
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>> stephen: we fix ited up. >> looks good. stained glass and everything. not too shabby. >> stephen: not too shabby yourself. congratulations on "life in pieces." >> i feel like we're brother you now in the columbia broadcasting system. >> stephen: we are coworkers now. >> yeah. >> stephen: and any touching i do of you has to be welcome. i read the handbook. >> yes, page 84. ( laughter ). >> stephen: so if i even go, "hey, how you feeling, you seem tense," let me know if that's welcome. >> okay, okay. >> stephen: tell me about "life in pieces." how many broke girls are on it? >> i'm very fortunate in that i'm surrounded by incredibly talented people on that show, zoe lister jones, who plays my wife, who you saw in the clip. we have jim brolin and diane weist-- >> i have to tell you, one of my favorite things about the show is i have an enormous crush on diane weist. >> that will hopefully continue.
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she's so charming. i love diane weist. >> she's an absolute sweetie. anything she asks, you just want to go, "yes." oh, is this okay? >> stephen: >> stephen: this is perfectly fine. you're in character now. >> i'm in character. >> stephen: as with diane weist, it's very welcome. you're a new dad in "life in pieces." but you're also the dad of young kids. have any actual stories of your life ended up on the show? >> yeah. >> stephen: have you used that experience? >> yes, in the pilot episode, we-- we-- prior to the pilot,un, pilots are very specific things. they're gone through with a fine-toothed comb because it's got to be perfect because that's going to be the-- you know, people are going to judge that one episode and say, "do we want to make" you know, hopefully in our case "2,000 more episodes?" we had a meeting in which we were talking about the unique nature of the show because it's
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focuses on different members of this multigenerational family. so it's sort of small, little moments from everyone'sives, that then paint a greater picture of what family life is like. it's actually very sweet and very funny. and i had told this story about when i took my firstborn daughter, with my wife, home from the hospital. and we basically cried the entire way home. they were -- >> with joy? >> with joy. i always-- i always have to preface with nothing but utter joy. just crying tears of just, "i'm so happy!" and i told that story the very next day, there were revisions sent to me with that written in. and i'm look, okay, but we're never going to shoot that. we shot it. >> stephen: did you tell your wife that you had shared this story? >> i did. and she said, "you have to stop telling them these stories." because they ended up putting it in the pilot. >> stephen: i'll tell you what my wife looked like when she was
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she had her feet nupt stir ups-- >> you cannot tell those stories. >> i lnders very quickly i have to be very careful with the story. >> stephen: did you have this reaction? i had this reaction when they gave us our baby, my first child, i could not understand why we were allowed to leave with her. ( laughter ). >> well, that's the great thing. they really-- there's no real class. they don't -- >> no! >> they don't check to make sure you're prepared. like, they'll -- >> and it's 24 hours later, and there's the door, buddy. >> absolutely, absolutely. >> stephen: don't let the door hit you with the baby split you. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> i had to go through more training to drive the car home than i did to have the baby for the rest of my life. >> stephen: now, but you play a dad, and you've got a little baby on the show. do you ever go like, "the baby is dirty. i have to change her." do you mistake-- >> no, because when it's not your baby, you do not care.
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you do not care. >> stephen: that's so true. that's so true. what is-- what is that small, dirty thing on the floor over there? >> don't care. >> stephen: it's not my child. >> oh, this baby is crying. here, take it. >> stephen: you also make documentaries. >> i do. >> stephen: you have a new documentary coming out. it's being released today. >> it came out on itunes. it's called "all things must pass." it's about the rise and fall of tower records. >> stephen: tower records was such a huge thing when i was younger. i understand you applied for a job at tower records. >> twice. i applied twice. both times i scwd for an application, and i guy said to me ( size ) "another look, i can give this to you. and you could fill it out. but i'm just gonna put it on the bottom of a stack this thick, and we're not even hiring. so if you want to fill it out, knock yourself out." two different people told me that. ( laughter ) at two different locations.
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because they're gone now. they're gone. they're on the dust bin of history. and here you are, still ridein 'high. >> if only they had hired him, their story would have turned out differently. >> stephen: this is not your first documentary. you also did one about the san francisco giants. >> yes. >> stephen: had a-- had a-- >> they had a mascot. >> stephen: a mascot that was an anti-mascot. >> yes. >> stephen: what's the name of this documentary of yours? >> "the anti-mascot." ( laughter ) the san francisco giants, in 1984, they had a really -- >> you're not going to tell me the title of the documentary? >> no, it's called "the anti-mascot." >> stephen: you're kidding! >> no. >> stephen: i pulled that sphrailt from where the sun don't shine. i had no idea. >> it's "the anti-mascot." the giants had such a horrible team they created a commercial that was designed-- it was a fake poll in which the san francisco sports fans said they did not want a mascot, so they
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was called "the crazy crab." and it only lasted for one season. he would run out on to the field, and people would throw stuff at him and boo him. ( laughter ) and as the season progressed, he had to run out farther and farther into the field. >> stephen: was the guy's head sticking out of this crab? >> no, it was fully covered. they had to reinforce it with, like, plastic, because he was getting pelted so bad. >> stephen: they actually had to give him a hard carapus. >> yeah it was a 30 for 30 short on espn, called "the anti-mascot." >> stephen: perfect title. >> it tells you everything you need to know. >> stephen: i don't have to watch owt now. thank you for being here. >> thank you for having me. >> stephen: "life in pieces" airs thursdays at 8:30 on cbs. colin hanks, everybody!
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( applause ) all right everybody, if this doesn't get your toes tappin',
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yeah, i'm married. does it matter? you'd do that for me? really? yeah i'd like that. who are you talking to? uh, it's jake from state farm. sounds like a really good deal. jake from state farm, at three in the morning? who is this? it's jake from state farm. what are you wearing jake from state farm? uh, khakis. she sounds hideous. well, she's a guy so... another reason more people stay with state farm. get to a better state. if you're trying to be a little better... things just got a whole lot better. introducing entrees loaded with flavor, not calories. applebee's grill & bar favorites made a little better for you. featuring new dishes, all under 650 calories
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( cheers and applause ) ed [ male announcer ] digiorno? or delivery?
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or delivery? taste for yourself why the shortest distance between you and a delicious, fresh-baked pizza, is your oven. thankfully, it's not delivery. it's digiorno. bud light's been there. connecting one amazing super bowl moment to the next. and for this super bowl, we're charging our game forward for all fans. introducing the limited edition
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making her network tv debut. here to sing "hurtin' on the bottle," please welcome margo price!
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now i'm blind enough to see been drinkin whiskey like it's water but that don't touch the pain you put on me i was vearing for the white line of the shoulder faded lights cast upon the wall i know that we've been getting older but you're never too old to learn to crawl i put a hurtin on the bottle now i'm blind enough to see been drinkin whiskey like it's water but that don't touch
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i met you with your thumb out in the alley no one ever comes round here no more been looking for a peak inside the valley been searchin for a key outside your door i put a hurtin on the bottle now i'm blind enough to see been drinkin whiskey like it's water
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the pain you put on me i've been ridin high on low expectations it's like singin loud with no one left to hear i've been drinkin from a well of inspiration but it's all fallen on these wasted ears i put a hurtin on the bottle baby now i'm blind enough to see been drinkin whiskey like it's water but that don't touch the pain you put on me i put a hurtin on the bottle baby now i'm blind enough to see been drinkin whiskey like it's water
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the pain you put on me been drinkin whiskey like it's water but that don't touch the pain you put on me ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: margo price's debut album, "midwest farmer's daughter," is out march 25! margo price, everybody! we'll be right back. there are two democratic visions for regulating wall street. one says it's okay to take millions from big banks and then tell them what to do. my plan -- break up the big banks, close the tax loopholes, and make them pay their fair share. then we can expand health care to all,
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will they like me? no. will they begin to play by the rules if i'm president? you better believe it. i'm bernie sanders and i approve this message. (donkey sound) (elephant sound) there's a big difference between making noise, (tapping sound) and making sense. (elephant sound) (donkey sound) when it comes to social security,
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our next president needs a real plan to keep social security strong. (elephant noise) hey candidates. enough talk. give us a plan. [ scanner beeping ] sir, could you step aside? "sir"? come on. you know who i am. progressive insue? uh, i save people an average of over $500 when they switch? did you pack your own bags? oh! right -- the name your price tool.
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